The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time

Stupid E-mail I (Marshmallow) Get

Yes, it's true, I receive loads of mail that just makes you wonder. I promise you that none of these have been made up by me, or anyone else for that matter. E-mail addresses and names have been withheld for obvious reasons. I also blot out the curse words just had to.

Subject: ZELDA IS NEAT!!

I got Zelda 64 for Christmas because Santa was nice to me this year. It is a really narly game but I can't figure out how to get the sheild (so the man willlet you see the deku tree) in Kikori Village as a baby. I'm 14 years old and my favorite food is bananas, and I enjoy monkeys. My friends told me that in order to get the shield you have to chop saria's head off with the sword, but I can't find that either. I looked at your guide but it was hard to understand.

Subject: Help the poor on the N64

My frieds have been saying that there is a whole new advantever in Zealda 64. He sad that on the subscreen mop the picuters of the triforce can be lighted up. He sad that he seed that on a onlline site it was lighted up. How do you do it? Please helped I am poored.And how do you beet kokiri villiage ? Please I am not crazzy please tel me

Subject: ...

shut up and go back to [EXPLETIVE] donkey//


How do you get back into a kid??? I played the royal families' song with the ocarina of time in the temple but nothing happenned If your blood pressure rises to high because of the above question I am not liable. No i haven't beat gorron with the iron boots Who the [EXPLETIVE] gives a [EXPLETIVE] about that? I..haven't even got the second medallion... and your asking if I beat Goron??? Who the [EXPLETIVE] is Goron??!!!! Who do you think you are? [EXPLETIVE] YOU!!!!!!! ...and you're quite special that you beat goron with the iron boots. I swear, you must have said that a hundred [EXPLETIVE] times in your FAQ! My congratulations on beating him with the iron boots. YOU must be so happy now. I hope you're still going to reply...would you have felt better if I had taken out the above??? I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but you shouldn't get depressed. I mean, you beat Goron with iron boots! CONGRATULATIONS! yU half speling mstakes/inn yor FOQ !emmber ot anser teh qwestion!!!!?!!!!!!!!!

Subject: [EXPLETIVE]!!!!

You are a [EXPLETIVE] loser who has to much [EXPLETIVE] time on his hands and i think you like it up the [EXPLETIVE] by little boys. You like to drink your own gizz and your brothers gizz and link from zelda's gizz and any other liquid you can get from your video game. I think your art work [EXPLETIVE] sucks [EXPLETIVE] and [EXPLETIVE] and your mother's [EXPLETIVE] will be nice and [EXPLETIVE] warm and you should die and go to [EXPLETIVE] and only a true [EXPLETIVE] would think about that.


P.S. [EXPLETIVE] you loser

Subject: Deku Tree ?!?!?!?

Like, dude! Your book on Zelda totally suckz!!!!! I mean, like, it was good before, but when you went and changed it, like, whoa. Now I can't understand it, and stuff. Now I can't even get that darn Fairy Slingshot! [EXPLETIVE] you!!!

Subject: Ganon's Astle

Yes, your FAG was pretty good. I liked it a lot. But, on Ganon's Astle, i! can't beat the Fire bariur because I dun't have the Golden Gloves oe whatever the [EXPLETIVE] and [EXPLETIVE] they!!!re called. Anywayz, what should i do now?

Subject: Bow and...something...

Where is the Bow and...Arrow? I mean, I know it's in the Water Temple, but I can't get Epona because I need to shoot Ingo in the head! This is starting to hurt...

Subject: Fairy Shot

Where is the Fairy Slingshot? And who is Sheik?

Subject: 10 hours

Zelda is soooooO!O!O!OO!O!O easy!Y!Y!Y!Y!Y!Y Why the [EXPLETIVE] in the almighty world of [EXPLETIVE] the [EXPLETIVE] did you make that [EXPLETIVE] FAW? I mean, seriously, I beat Zelda in 10 hours flatr!!! !

Subject: Stuff like...Stuzz

I heard if you beat the runner dude that you can get a secret level called the Light Temple it's really hard but only me, mom, and santy clause jnow abotu is because we are smart and you'er a stupipid [EXPLETIVE]!!!

Subject: Boots

Where, if I may ask, are the Pegasus Boots?

Subject: Boom boom sha doom doom

Howdy ho ho to you too0--0=!!! That there ZELDA FAQy was pretty nice, the mrs. liked it even miore tahn I did!

Bisexually yours,

Subject: Dodododongo's Cavern

In that [EXPLETIVE] place with [EXPLETIVE] Death Mountian. The dungeon. Well, I read your very detailed Walkthrough, and it told me to throw the bomb flower at the odd part of the wall, this would in turn - -- open up the to the main room. Well, don't laugh at mee, but I don't quite understand. I mean, could you claifity?

Subject: Zelda

HehehehhehehhehHehoho!!..@!!!!...! I know the all Bond code! !!! ! ! ! ?!??!?!

This was just from the current batch, it will grow more and more interesting as I start to look for idiots. He-haw...

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